Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
