Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
