Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize