I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
