I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
