I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
