do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
