i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
