Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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