STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
