1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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