I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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