There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
