next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
