i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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