Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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