a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize