Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
A bitchslap is in order.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
