I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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