I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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