it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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