we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
