Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Pants are for mortals
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
