Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
