is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
