someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
