There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
