thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize