the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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