i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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