you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
