i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
