im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
