in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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