It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
