her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
