This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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