Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
