I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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