she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
