Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
