i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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