A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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