That's when you crack a 10am beer
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
be right there i have to get my cape
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
