He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
