U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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