Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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