if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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