In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
