he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize