I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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