I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
