I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Randomize
