I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
