you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
