I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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