You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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