Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize