new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
