we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize