Jerry, you need to find god
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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