this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
