I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
