do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
