i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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