I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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