Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
