Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
