I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
