I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize