As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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