I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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