Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
