I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
