Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
