You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
this is an emotional support booty call
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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