This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
